Your church might be apostate (or getting close) if...

I thought I'd have a little fun, so here goes.

Your church might be apostate (or getting close) if...

• the "pastor-preacher-bishop-apostle-reverend" guy wears a robe or a double-breasted suit.
• the "pastor-preacher-bishop-apostle-reverend" guy isn't a guy or it's not really clear.
• the name of the church is named after some historic dude or if it includes words/phrases like: rhema, word of faith, fire, international, worldwide, house, center, ministries or incorporated.
• there is reserved parking for the pastor & the "first lady."
• the "pastor-preacher-bishop-apostle-reverend" uses the NLT, LB, the Message, RSV or NRSV as his/her primary "Bible."
• most of the congregation is less than affluent while the pastor & co-pastor (aka. "first lady") park high end automobiles (Escalades, BMW's, etc.) in their reserved parking spots.
• when you get sick it's because you lack "faith."
• you hear lots of quotes from people named Kenneth, Gloria, Jesse, TD, Benny, Joyce or Rod.
• you support TBN financially.
• experience is more important than truth.
• you're not sure about this "truth" stuff anyway.
• you light a bunch of candles.
• your "pastor-preacher-bishop-apostle-reverend" guy wears a lot of hawaiian shirts (& usually sports a goatee too).
• Communion happens annually.
• the "pastor-preacher-bishop-apostle-reverend" guy suggests you read books by Brian McLaren & Rob Bell.
• the "pastor-preacher-bishop-apostle-reverend" guy is a metrosexual.
• any of your elders are called "Mrs."
• 1 Timothy 2:11-14 is understood as just "Paul's opinion."
• "Bible studies" consist mainly of questions like "How do you think Moses felt?" or "What would you be thinking if you were Samuel?"
• "Bible studies" are reading questions from a Max Lucado "Life Lessons" book and letting people share their answers (opinions).
• a muslim imaan is invited to address the assembly.

OK, I'm done. There are more, but that's all I can ramble off for now!