I grew up when Diff'rent Strokes was a popular television show. That's no big deal unless your last name is Willis. To this day I still hear those famous words popularized by Arnold: "Whatchu talkin bout Willis?" Usually they are uttered by someone looking at me as though I may have never heard it before. Yeah, right! Well this blog is what I (Willis) am talkin bout...my thoughts, observations & opinions. Enjoy...

Monday, August 18, 2008

Your church might be apostate (or getting close) if...

I thought I'd have a little fun, so here goes.

Your church might be apostate (or getting close) if...
  • the "pastor-preacher-bishop-apostle-reverend" guy wears a robe or a double-breasted suit.
  • the "pastor-preacher-bishop-apostle-reverend" guy isn't a guy or it's not really clear.
  • the name of the church is named after some historic dude or if it includes words/phrases like: rhema, word of faith, fire, international, worldwide, house, center, ministries or incorporated.
  • there is reserved parking for the pastor & the "first lady."
  • the "pastor-preacher-bishop-apostle-reverend" uses the NLT, LB, the Message, RSV or NRSV as his/her primary "Bible."
  • most of the congregation is less than affluent while the pastor & co-pastor (aka. "first lady") park high end automobiles (Escalades, BMW's, etc.) in their reserved parking spots.
  • when you get sick it's because you lack "faith."
  • you hear lots of quotes from people named Kenneth, Gloria, Jesse, TD, Benny, Joyce or Rod.
  • you support TBN financially.
  • experience is more important than truth.
  • you're not sure about this "truth" stuff anyway.
  • you light a bunch of candles.
  • your "pastor-preacher-bishop-apostle-reverend" guy wears a lot of hawaiian shirts (& usually sports a goatee too).
  • Communion happens annually.
  • the "pastor-preacher-bishop-apostle-reverend" guy suggests you read books by Brian McLaren & Rob Bell.
  • the "pastor-preacher-bishop-apostle-reverend" guy is a metrosexual.
  • any of your elders are called "Mrs."
  • 1 Timothy 2:11-14 is understood as just "Paul's opinion."
  • "Bible studies" consist mainly of questions like "How do you think Moses felt?" or "What would you be thinking if you were Samuel?"
  • "Bible studies" are reading questions from a Max Lucado "Life Lessons" book and letting people share their answers (opinions).
  • a muslim imaan is invited to address the assembly.

OK, I'm done. There are more, but that's all I can ramble off for now!


Soren said...

That was Nitpicker worthy! Good stuff.

Keith Wood said...

Hawaiian shirt and goatee...might be pushing it to call them apostate. The rest...well you might be on to something.

William Mckinley Dyer said...

Your Church might be an Apostate if i can hold my Coffee Mug in one hand an d your Baptistry in the other.

William Mckinley Dyer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Seeking Disciple said...

Funny thing is that I know some churches like this. Or I should say that is sad.